Our CEO
official corporate headshot (taken on a phone, upside down)
He was appointed CEO in a group chat at 2am. Nobody has told him. He continues to perform the role flawlessly by sleeping through every board meeting.
Executive Facts
| Full name | Mr. Waffles (legal name unknown) |
|---|---|
| Job title | Chief Executive Officer & Head of Snacks |
| Years experience | 4 (dog years) = 0 (real years) |
| Education | sat once, on purpose, in 2023 |
| he does not have thumbs | |
| Salary | one (1) sock per quarter |
| Known for | eating a document that was important |
A Letter To Shareholders
Dear shareholders,
woof. woof woof, woof woof woof — woof. In closing: woof.
(Editor's note: we asked him to elaborate on Q3 and he left the room.)
Sincerely, the CEO
🐾